This has by far, been one of the BEST and WORST summers I have EVER had in my ENTIRE life. Last summer was really great- The birth of a new bundle of joy. I had all summer with him to learn who he was, get to know him, and bond with him. It was a joyous and stressful time. If you know anything about my situation after Logan was born, then you know as happy and elated as I was to have such a sweet little miracle enter my life, it also was a very tough and almost depressing time. Nevertheless, I chose that path and I would still choose it again today, even knowing what I would go through.
(excuse the 50 lbs of "water weight" here!!!) lol
This summer is different in SOOO many ways. I looked forward to summer with Logan from the day I went back to work when he was about 12 weeks old. I cried almost everyday I had to leave him until almost Christmas break. The crying subsided to only once a week, but I still had sadness in my heart. I learned to enjoy the time we had and spend every minute I could with him. I wouldn't change that either! I know many mothers feel the need to go out, be who they were before their child was born, etc... but I do not feel that need. Yes, I like to spend time alone with my hubby, he is special to me and I love him dearly. However, we both love time with our child, the child we WILLINGLY chose to have. I am mommy now- not some bar hopping, risque clothed, go out and party woman. (I was never any of those before though) lol I just think it is funny how some people cannot wait to get a night alone or a free weekend from their infant. I am just now allowing the thought of possibly letting Logan stay the night away. I am sure it will not happen soon, thought. When I am away from him during the work week, why would I want to pawn him off on someone and miss time with him? I am sure one of these months I will understand, but I just don't right now. All that being said, I have cherished every second I have been blessed to spend with my sweetie. There have been days when I was frustrated and felt I couldn't take one more minute, but it is all about perspective and prayer. Logan and I have enjoyed so many special moments this summer, and though he won't remember them specifically, I know it has laid the groundwork for lots of special memories and a close bond in the future.
I am typing this wondering how in the world will I get through tomorrow?? I know I will because I have to, because God will help me. But it is going to be really hard!!! Without my hubby here all the time, it makes it harder for me to deal with things. I rely on him and count on him for a lot more than I thought. He keeps me emotionally stable, although sometimes makes me crazy! Well, I do not even know where I started, but I am going to end it here.... Pray for me tomorrow!!!
